Every two weeks we’d go to my dad’s. Me, my brother and my sister around 6.30ish.. pm of course. There we’d have an amazing freeze-dried risotto in front of the TV. I was soooo happy! Firstly, because watching TV was already an exceptional thing itself.

My French mom should make history for having promoted the first TV-less family (BY CHOICE!) – we’d just watch DVDs on my brother’s PlayStation2.

Secondly, because my favorite TV Show was on: I Wanna Be MADE. It’s difficult for me to describe how much I like everything that involves – change, putting in order, self realization. It goes from tidying up a space to my favorite film scenes when the ugly duckling becomes the beautiful swan. The Devil Wears Prada, Plain Jane, The Princess Diaries, 13 Going on 30, Wild Child, Mean Girls. All these YA movies and TV Shows were and still are my guilty pleasure.

Growing up I’ve tried so often to keep a diary like in every American movie, but never succeeded. It’s probably one of my most eluded goals. I just got a few pages to look back to. Look more like lists: Boys – no comment; Body – should workout more. Go to a beautician every two weeks ((boys will follow)); Skin – stop squeezing those pimples.

I was, I am and probably always will be very much self-conscious. I remember spending hours looking at VS’s website and comparing those top model’s bodies to mine. Deep down I know that if I don’t work as much as Cate Blanchett does it’s probably because of my physical appearance ((jk FYI)). I keep on setting higher and higher goals and evidently end up losing myself. Worst thing is, I lose myself behind the most volatile thing on earth and don’t focus on what’s important: enriching my deeper self.

There is always going to be someone who’s taller, more beautiful or funnier than me. Got to accept that and realize that what makes me the happiest is admiring beauty in its natural effortless form. The key to being a good dancer is not worrying about other people watching you. Same goes for beauty, nothing sexier and more attractive than someone who doesn’t care about other people, just feels good in its skin.

Got to remember that every day! But doesn’t life just keep on making it so difficult? Had just signed with an important agency in Rome and attended its welcoming party. Stakes were high as me and fellow actors had to meet and leave a mark on all casting directors. My then agent comes to me and says ‘Don’t get me wrong, you look beautiful, but you would use a few kilos less’. I started laughing of course, thought it was a joke. You know how you’ve heard so many stories growing up of models and ballerinas being forced to lose weight? Well, you never think it’s going to happen to you – especially cause acting should go beyond looks, should be based on merit right?! No Sir, he was damn serious. Apparently TV makes you look fatter so you’d better lose some weight (…).

Naive little me started exercising even more than already did and reduced her already quite reduced vegan diet. I did pass the test when I saw him at December’s Christmas Party – I was in perfect shape! But needless to say, didn’t make me land any role, just made me realize we live in a really fucked up place.

Never forget to rise and shine – For your joy only.

Stephanie Del Bino

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